Goddamn, That New 'Hellboy' Poster is a Total Thirst-Trap

We don’t mean to objectify Hellboy but sweet holy fuck…

We’ve long had a thing for David Harbour and his beer-swilled dad bod as the caffeine dependent curmudgeon Chief Hopper in Stranger Things. So obviously we’ve been tracking Harbours arduous workout regime during his lengthy transformation from dad-bod to hell-bod with a keen and healthy enthusiasm. It’s been quite the journey.

And now, after months of the occasional visual tease, Entertainment Weekly has exclusively unveiled the first official poster for Hellboy and goddamn, it’s a bonafide thirst-trap.

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Whether you know the first thing about Mike Mignola’s irreverent comic book series or even whether you’re actually attracted to men or demon-boys, the latest poster undeniably oozes sex. Red, hot fiery sex - and monstrous quantities of it, at that. The Hellboy reboot has less-than-discreetly slid into the DM’s of our dreams & we’ve practically bust the screen on the ancient smartphone of our libido’s in an effort to reply a hearty YES to it.

While we remain fans of Guillermo del-Toro’s two adaptations of the comics from the 2000s and are fond of Ron Perlman’s take on Big Red, we’re also fairly excited for this latest take on the story. Not only has the new film been described as taking on more of an R-rated supernatural horror edge, it’s also been written by Mignola, stars Milla Jovovich as the movie’s villain (the Blood Queen), and is directed by the incredible Neil Marshall of The Descent and Dog Soldiers fame.

We’re excited for just about every aspect of the film (including Harbour jokingly teasing that he may do “a little bit of crooning” in the role) but hells bells, we’re only human and this latest poster has lit a sexual inferno in places within us that we didn’t even know were flammable. April 2019 needs to hurry the fuck up.